World Cup Misogyny & Polyvagal Theory

I’m gonna put my hand up and say that regrettably until the recent World Cup I had not watched a single women’s football match on TV. Only 5% of sports coverage in the media is on women’s sports, so it figures. I also genuinely feel bad that I hadn’t questioned this or didn’t seek out women’s football more, considering I played so much sport in my youth.  

But I was glued to the FIFA Women’s World Cup this year. I re-arranged meetings and blocked out my work calendar so I could catch the games. 

I felt emotional. I cried several times for what it meant for representation of women on a global stage, for women’s sports and the impact it was having on younger generations.

I was in awe of the skill, the beauty of the game, the resilience, the nerve-wracking penalty shoot outs and the records being smashed in terms of live stream viewers & stadiums being sold out. 

The Matilda’s V England is the largest sporting event ever watched in Australia. 

I watched a lot of the matches with my Mam. She played for Ireland in the early 70’s - one of the first women’s soccer teams in our country. I’ve always been incredibly proud of her for this achievement. Even to this day she continues to downplay that she was on the starting 11 of our international team because nobody was in the stadium watching.

It's been slow progress for women's football, marred by adversity. 

In England, the Football Association put a ban on women’s football from 1921 - 1970.

The Jamaican football team were disbanded in 2008 by the Jamaica Football Federation and had to get crowdfunded to attend this year's World Cup. They made it to the knockout stages, showing the incredible resolve of these women, powered by pure talent and admittedly angry determination. They’ve endured sexism to achieve their own personal dreams and their country’s dreams. 

So after a major profile raising tournament hosted by Australia and New Zealand - the most viewed and attended Women's World Cup ever - then the World Cup final celebrations kicked off.

After Spain beat England 1-0, we saw the underbelly of misogyny and abuse of power in FIFA and the Spanish football federation on the world stage. Well we already knew it was there, but it became blatantly obvious and millions of people worldwide were watching so it could no longer be ignored. 

The forcible, unwanted and non-consensual kiss of Luis Rubiales onto Jenni Hermoso was an act of sexual aggression, a violation, an abuse of power and deeply chauvinistic entitlement over a woman’s body. 

I know that something like this can be triggering especially if you or someone you know has experienced sexual aggression/ assault/ violence, sexual trauma, inappropriate advances, sexism or non-consensual touch. And let's be brutally honest, as women, that is all of us. 

It’s painful, infuriating and honestly quite shocking to be a witness to the lies, manipulation, coercion, narcissism, corruption and abuse of power that has played out over the last week. It's no wonder that women don't come forward to report given the backlash and victim blaming that happens. 

At a time when these incredible athletes should be celebrating their greatest success they’re being attacked and even threatened with legal action - all to protect el presidente, Luis Rubiales and the podium of patriarchy. 

And let’s not forget that this is just the tip of the iceberg - the Spanish team has been struggling and advocating for better conditions and a change of leadership not just for years but decades. 

Much like many of the other women’s football teams both at club and international level. 

Struggling for investment, funding, visibility, recognition, professionalism, equality, increased pay, adequate accommodation and transport, better training and preparation for matches and the most basic of needs - respect. 

As you read the news articles or social media posts you might be having a visceral experience - it could be that your heart rate and breathing quickens, there’s a burst of expletives, you want to pound your fists on the countertop and f*cking shout from the rooftops, you might have a feeling of nausea, or total shock, despair, you can’t bear to look at the pictures or read more about it because of the awful feeling you get. 

Triggered.

Here’s what’s happening - your nervous system and vagus nerve is in defense mode and your torpedoing into ‘fight or flight’ or collapsing into ‘freeze, fawn and dissociate'. 

We each have our own kaleidoscope of unique life events and momentary experiences that colours how we are wired to find and maintain neurological safety. 

We are also social beings and other people’s pain touches our own individual pain. We feel moved because we identify with the person, the situation and the centuries of systemic abuse and control of women. 

We unknowingly are registering the times where we felt unsafe or questioning our current safety in the unstable world of men on top. I mean if this can happen on a public platform with millions of people watching… 

So let’s talk about safety.

Safety is your basic human need. It’s experienced in and between people. It’s a deeply visceral experience that is both about inner sensing and social connectedness. 

Safety is registered below the level of consciousness, what’s termed neuroception. Your autonomic nervous system acts as a personal surveillance system and picks up cues of safety, threat or danger. 

You deserve to feel safe in your body and in your environment. 

Whether that environment is your home, your workplace, on a team, with a therapist or clinician, on a bus, in a private or public space. 

This is the basis of Polyvagal Theory - the science of safety, trust and connection. 

When you feel safe and connected, you thrive, your health is optimised and this is where you grow as the wonderful human you are. 

Watching recent events unfold can bring up a bodily or somatic experience of not feeling safe, and strong emotions of rage, sadness, despair, hopelessness. Rather than be overpowered by them, you can meet these emotions and figure out how to transform a triggering experience like this into something more meaningful and a clearing of your old wounds. 

Here’s a few Polyvagal Tips:  

1. Breathe - tone your vagus nerve by taking slow, deep breaths. This will adapt your nervous system in times of trigger and reorientate you to safety - where you can thrive 
2. Delve below the level of consciousness through meditation techniques and become aware of your own personal trigger. Ask these questions: What is unresolved in you? What part of you needs reassurance? How can you feel safe in yourself? How can you feel safe in the world? Journal afterwards. 
3. Talk & share with someone who makes you feel safe and is equipped to hold space for you. Relational presence creates change - with safety itself being the treatment. 

Being self-regulated, feeling calm and connected and out of defensive mode helps you to address these issues in a more constructive way, whether that's having a conversation with a friend or discussing it in a work environment. It saves you losing energy because emotions really drain our life force. 

I really hope that this becomes a powerful moment of change in our world. 

Standing with Jenni Hermoso, contigo Jenni, and any woman who has been exploited by misogyny. 

With heart, 

P.S. Try this Taoist Inner Smile Meditation which will help regulate your nervous system and leave you feeling calm and connected. Get it here.