Why You Need To Stop Ghosting Your Vulva

A quarter of vulva-owners have negative feelings - hatred, shame, disgust towards their own vulva. 

Wow, that’s a lot! Take that in - 25%!!! 😲

It’s lodged in the psyche of women after years of scientists overlooking female sexual anatomy. As it turns out language has played its part too. 

The word pudendum which is another word for female external genitalia has a Latin origin and in true Shakespearean language translates as “that whereof one ought to feel shame”. Can you believe this? 

No wonder it’s been a struggle for so long.

In fact vulva’s have almost been written out of history/herstory. Ancient Greek and Roman statues flaunt testicles and penii (can we actually make that the plural?!) - but where are the asymmetrical labia and the clitoral hoods? 

Let’s get clear on the anatomy of the vulva, because a UK study published in the International Urogynecology Journal in 2017 found that only 46% of women identified that their vulva had  3 ‘holes’ or orifices. 🤯 (I’m sorry to be overly obvious about the maths but that means that 54% (54%!!) did not know this)

37% of people (all genders) mislabeled the clitoris. 🤯 🤯

You’ve got to ask the question - what does this ignorance mean for our sex lives? That’s a lot of unskilled fumbling - which can only mean dissatisfaction or being sexually underwhelmed. 

Have a look at this image below and be clear on the parts of your vulva because knowledge is power and gives you a lot more confidence as a lover & boosts your sexual self-esteem. 

The weird thing is when people say vagina they are most often talking about their vulva! It’s like calling your shin your knee. You just wouldn’t do it. We’ve been miseducated. 

It’s time to take action and bring vulva into your everyday language, until it just kinda rolls off the tongue. It’s quite lavish - like the word velvet. It’s high-end. 

It’s important to note that vulva’s come in all sorts of sizes, shapes and colours. There’s no such thing as a normal vulva. Diversity is everything. And to be embraced. 

Negative feelings about the vulva usually relate to the labia minora - the inner lips or folds of skin that protect the opening to the vagina. There’s been a big increase in the cosmetic surgery of labiaplasty recently, fueled by airbrushed porn. Interestingly, a study found that women who saw other women's labia were more accepting of their own. There’s lots of labia libraries out there on the internet - go find ‘em. 

But first let's start with your own vulva and take the time to have a look. 

Here’s why it’s so important to look at your vulva: 

🐚 Knowing your own anatomy is the key to your sexual self-esteem. Knowledge is power and gives you more confidence as a lover.

🐚 It creates connection and acceptance. Shockingly, 1/4 of vulva owners feel shame about this body part. By looking at your vulva, you’re creating more acceptance and appreciation of your sexual self.

🐚 It helps you keep on top of your health by early detection of changes in vaginal discharge, moles, warts, ingrown hairs etc.

Now here’s a simple mirror exercise to try at home to help you fall madly in love with your vulva: 

🪞 Go grab a hand held mirror and look at your vulva

🪞 Notice the shapes, colour, contours

🪞 Smile to your vulva, appreciating this natural beauty

BONUS PRACTICE: 

🪞  Use your fingers to pleasure yourself until you’re aroused and notice how your vulva changes

Do this today when you have some time and space - and promise that you’ll stop ghosting your vulva! 

Let me know if you found this helpful - I love hearing your aha moments. 

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