Embodied Consent: How the Wheel of Consent by Betty Martin Can Transform Your Relationships

What Is Embodied Consent? A Somatic Approach to Healthy Relationships

In today's world, consent is more than just about sex & intimacy  - it's a foundational part of all healthy relationships and stepping into your self worth. But what does it really mean to give or receive consent in a way that’s honest, embodied and connected?

Embodied consent inspired by Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent shows you that consent is not a one-time yes or no, but it's an ongoing, relational process. It's about listening to your body, understanding your desires, communicating your needs and respecting boundaries - your own and others. 

When I trained in the Wheel of Consent for professionals, I had so many breakthroughs. I could see the patterns of over-riding my own needs, allowing things to happen rather than making an informed choice. When I’ve shared this work with my clients, they’ve found it revolutionary not just in their romantic relationships but also in other relationships. 

Consent Is a Dynamic Process: Not Just a Yes or No

Consent is not a static agreement. It’s a dynamic, ongoing negotiation that shifts depending on your context, timing, emotional state and environment. 

Whether you're in a romantic, platonic, or professional relationship, learning how to attune to changing boundaries and desires creates deeper safety and connection.

Asking for What You Want: Moving Beyond People-Pleasing

Do you find yourself saying yes to things you don’t actually want to do? You're not alone. Many of us have been conditioned to over-serve or people please as a way to feel loved or accepted!

Practicing embodied consent means learning how to ask for what you truly want without guilt or apology. This is an act of radical self-worth. When you recognise that your desires are valid, you step into a more empowered and authentic way of relating.

Knowing Your Needs and Desires: Tuning Into Your Body’s Signals

One of the most profound shifts that embodied consent invites is a reconnection to your body. Your body holds the truth - through sensations, emotions and intuitive responses.

By practicing somatic awareness - noticing how your body reacts to touch, presence or emotional engagement - you begin to understand what truly feels good and what doesn’t. This deepens your capacity to make clear, empowered choices.

Cultivating Self-Compassion Around Intimacy and Boundaries

Speaking your needs and desires out loud can feel edgy, especially if you're used to staying silent to keep the peace. But this is where self-compassion becomes crucial.

Rather than judging yourself for hesitating or struggling to articulate your boundaries, meet yourself with kindness. Embodied consent is really about showing up with authenticity and self-love (yes, even when it’s messy!).

John & Julie Gottman, clinical psychologists, relentless researchers and founders of the Gottman Institute, state that a couple's communication pattern can often predict how successful a relationship will be. 

It takes courage and practice to improve your communication skills, and it’s something that you can actually learn.

How to Say No and Stay Connected: The Art of Compassionate Boundaries

Studies indicate that 35% to 60% of people find it challenging to decline requests, often due to behavioral tendencies or upbringing. The context, the power dynamics, the cultural climate all play a unique role in the dynamics of saying no. 

Saying “no” doesn’t have to mean shutting down the connection. In fact, a clear, compassionate “no” can be one of the most loving things you offer - to yourself and others!

Many of us say yes when we mean no, out of fear of rejection or conflict. But that kind of compliance often leads to resentment and confusion. With embodied consent, you learn to say no and stay in relationship, with honesty and care.

The Result: More Authentic, Connected and Empowered Relationships

When you know what you want, can feel it in your body and have the language to express it - you create the foundation for deep, conscious, and nourishing relationships.

Embodied Consent enhances every aspect of connection: it invites you into honest communication, builds emotional resilience and supports authentic intimacy. You’re no longer relating from default patterns and you’re choosing sovereignty, truth and an authentic way of living. Imagine doing what you actually want! 

Final Thoughts: Your Wants & Needs are Important

Start small. Tune in. Ask yourself:

• “Is this something I want or the person wants of me?”  
• “What does my body say yes to?”  
• “Is this a genuine yes or a habitual yes?”
• “Is my body saying no? What am I noticing?” 

If you’d like to learn more on communicating your wants and needs, setting boundaries and saying no - join me and my colleague, Karen Egan for a 1 day workshop in Dublin on Saturday April 26th 2025. 

For more info: click here.